A post by Lavinia E. Damian
Our society is in a constant change. One of them is that people are trying harder and harder to be perfect while also increasingly expecting others to be perfect. As the endeavor of being perfect is doomed to failure (because nobody can actually reach perfection), this struggle brings along much suffering (anxiety, depression, stress, guilt, suicide ideation and many other symptoms that may be more subtle – fear of failure, workaholism, loneliness, as a few examples). Despite this suffering, some (or maybe a lot) people still believe in the myth that perfectionism brings them more good than bad and that wanting to be perfect is a natural goal that makes one successful in whatever one wants to be. The increased emphasis on social expectations makes adolescence a particularly sensitive period for the development of perfectionism and thus for its research.
When talking about perfectionism, it is important to distinguish between three types. The first, self-oriented perfectionism refers to strongly believing in the intrinsic importance of striving for perfection and being perfect. That is, a self-oriented perfectionistic adolescent wants and strives to be perfect for oneself. This personality characteristic seems to be ambivalent at best, since it seems to bring along both healthy and unhealthy outcomes. The second, socially prescribed perfectionism, refers to strongly believing in the extrinsic importance of striving for perfection and being perfect. Namely, a socially prescribed perfectionistic adolescent wants and strives to be perfect to be accepted by others. This personality characteristic is the most detrimental of them all, as it brings a lot of psychological suffering. Unfortunately, as we found in our recent study, socially prescribed perfectionism is also the most prevalent among adolescents. This may be because of the increased importance that is prescribed to others’ opinions during the developmental period. The third, other-oriented perfectionism refers to strongly believing that other people have to be perfect. An other-oriented perfectionistic adolescent imposes perfectionistic expectations on others and criticizes them when they fail to meet them (which probably happens more often than not). This personality characteristic has thus far remained the most mysterious of them all, as it is the least researched one among adolescents, being thought to be less relevant at this age.
It is probably a truism to say that adolescence is a complicated age. The focus on social evaluation, higher cognitive abilities, plus an emotional storm combined with an environment that asks for more and more from adolescents in terms of performance and pressure to be successful in life. To make the picture even more complicated, adolescents are also longing for more freedom from their parents whereas parents might not adapt to this new need so quickly. Even so, adolescents still need their parents to be there for them when they are in need for emotional support, but also to step back when they need to make autonomous decisions. It is a tricky balance to achieve from both sides indeed. This balance between support and autonomy plays an important role in shaping adolescents’ personality that is still under construction.
Because there is still a lot to find out about how perfectionism develops throughout adolescence and how parents’ behaviors play a part in shaping adolescents’ perfectionism, we conducted a longitudinal study with four waves across two academic years. 744 Romanian adolescents between 11 and 19 years of age (55% girls) helped us find out more about this important phenomenon. All the methodological and statistical details are available here. In the current blog post, the focus will be on telling the perfectionistic adolescents’ complicated story that emerges through the results of our study.
Self-oriented perfectionism
With respect to developmental trajectories of self-oriented perfectionism, the message sent by adolescents appears to be that expecting perfection of oneself is not that cool, because of the low percentage of adolescents identifying with it. Namely, only 14% of the adolescent participants reported a high level of self-oriented perfectionism that remained stable over time. However, as we know from previous research, this characteristic is closely linked to academic achievement, thus this minority group of adolescents probably forms the high performing elite. The majority of adolescents (57%) displayed a medium level of self-oriented perfectionism that decreased over time and nearly a third (29%) had low levels that dropped even lower over time. The lack of identifying an increasing trend suggests that self-oriented perfectionism may develop earlier in development (before 11 years) and then stays relatively stable or decreases (but not increases) over time (that is, a period of two years).
Because we were especially interested in those adolescents exhibiting medium and high levels of perfectionism, we looked at the parental behaviors that are perceived by adolescents with both high and medium levels of perfectionism. In the case of self-oriented perfectionism, its long-debated ambivalence in developmental correlates was confirmed. Self-oriented perfectionists reported experiencing a lot morepsychological control (i.e., controlling and manipulative tactics such as shaming, guilt induction, and love withdrawal) and behavioral control (i.e., regulating and structuring the adolescent’s behavior, communicating clear expectations and monitoring their behavior) from their parents. However, they also experienced higher levels of responsiveness (i.e., warm, accepting, empathic, and responsive toward adolescent’s interests and needs) from their parents in comparison with adolescents with low levels of self-oriented perfectionism. The level of autonomy support received from parents did not matter for adolescents’ self-oriented perfectionism.
These associations would explain the ambivalence of self-oriented perfectionism, as adolescents high in this form of perfectionism seem to receive mixed messages from their parents. On the one hand, they perceive their parents as controlling and intrusive. On the other hand, they perceive them as warm and responsive to their needs. This ambivalence of the origin of self-oriented perfectionism is mirrored in the ambivalence of its psychosocial outcomes that has emerged in other research. This is also important from a parenting perspective, by showing that psychological control and responsiveness (i.e., emotional support) are not mutually exclusive, but they can coexist. A parent might be there for their adolescent and try to support them, but might also get upset and make the adolescent feel guilty when they do not follow parental advice. The reality is not as simple as either control or support, but is rather more complex.
Socially prescribed perfectionism
The story of socially prescribed perfectionism is rather different and dovetails both the pressure from society, but also the adolescents’ heightened sensitivity to others’ expectations. Here, Thinking one is expected to be perfect is the norm. This is corroborated by the fact that the majority of adolescents had either medium levels of socially prescribed perfectionism that increased over time (57%), or high levels that were stable (20%). Furthermore, none of the adolescents decreased in their levels of socially prescribed perfectionism across the two years of the study. Thus, youngsters indeed perceive high demands and judgment in the social context and try harder and harder to comply with these demands in order to get accepted. In our study, only few adolescents (23%) got away with staying low on this maladaptive characteristic.
When looking at the picture of parental behaviors, socially prescribed perfectionism was again confirmed to bethe least adaptive of them all. It comes as no surprise that adolescents who strive for perfection to be accepted by others, perceive the least helpful parental behaviors. Adolescents with medium and high levels of socially prescribed perfectionism reported high psychological and behavioral control and low responsiveness and autonomy support from their parents. Conversely, the few adolescents (23%) with low and stable levels of socially prescribed perfectionism perceived higher levels of responsiveness and autonomy support from their parents, thus showing that, if parents show empathy, understanding, acceptance and support, adolescents do not think that they need to be perfect to be accepted.
Other-oriented perfectionism
The least-researched type of perfectionism, other-oriented perfectionism, showed the highest variety in developmental trends among adolescents. Although previously considered less relevant in children and adolescents, the results showed a very different picture among adolescents. Namely, our findings suggested that: Expecting others to be perfect is somewhat cool. Namely, almost half of the adolescents showed a high and stable (41%) or a high and increasing (7%) level of other-oriented perfectionism. Only 19% of the adolescents reported low and decreasing levels of other-oriented perfectionism, whereas a third (33%) showed medium and stable levels of this personality characteristic. As such, it appeared that adolescence is a period of important change and development for other-oriented perfectionism, which makes it a highly relevant personality characteristic at this age.
Because previous research found less psychological symptoms to be associated with other-oriented perfectionism, it was thought to be a less harmful characteristic. But, when looking at the parental behaviors perceived by adolescents exhibiting high levels of other-oriented perfectionism, we could only draw the conclusion that it is not adaptive after all. Our findings revealed that adolescents who demand perfection from others also perceive their parents as manifesting more psychological and behavioral control, and less responsiveness and autonomy support. Notably, even adolescents with a medium level of other-oriented perfectionism perceive high psychological control from their parents. This is an important finding from the perspective of protective parental behaviors that may shield adolescents from developing other-oriented perfectionism. That is, adolescents high in other-oriented perfectionism may benefit from parents’ responsiveness to their needs and parents’ warmth and support for their autonomous choices.
Notwithstanding the inherent limitations of psychological research, the present results have brought us much valued insights on the experience of perfectionism and parental behaviors in adolescents. From a practical perspective, the present study provides a framework which allows for identifying adolescents who are at risk for high or increasing levels of perfectionism and which perceived parental behaviors characterize these trends. This way we can tap into the risk and protective parental behaviors of the different types of perfectionism. Knowledge of these associations can inform prevention and intervention programs aimed at decreasing adolescents’ perfectionism and its associated symptoms like anxiety and depressive symptoms.
Importantly, in this research, we did not ask parents about their side of the story. Therefore, we don’t know to what extent adolescents’ perceptions of their parents’ behaviors correspond to the parents’ own perceptions. However, an important message from our research is that adolescents have their own view and understanding of the messages that their parents convey through their daily behaviors. Even if this message is misunderstood by adolescents, it still has an effect on how their personality develops. Therefore, it is of much importance that parents make sure to ask their children what they think and feel, and clarify what they really mean. Put very simply, parents should try to make sure that adolescents really receive the love, warmth, and support when they need it, but also get the right amount of space to develop a healthy autonomy from parents. Being a parent to an adolescent is a hard job indeed, but open and honest communication might work miracles (as research shows)!